Although being depressed or reaching the state of loneliness is a normal thing for some, it is inevitable for other people to feel and have this to a very maximum extent.
I’ll tell you. Mental illness sucks.
To others, it’s pretty pointless that emotional malfunction is considered as a disease as if it’s something like getting a leg amputated or something. It’s not that pointless. It fits the term ‘disease’ and it can kill.
I remember having my first major panic attack in the middle of last year. I tried not to sleep for the worry that I might reach my final destination on my sleep. I was very sleepy but I kept on waking up myself because I thought that death awaits me when I shut my eyes. After a few hours, my head eventually gave up and gave me a peaceful sleep. I woke up hours after. Gladly, it was just one time.
School was a great distraction for my social fears. Yep, I’m complimenting school. I had friends who were really close to me but I never told them about what’s really inside.
The ugliest face of depression and anxiety is suicide. Luckily, mine was closely classified as neurosis and I don’t really get to the point of being squished inside a tube of people who downsize me as a person. Mine was more of a different aspect. PHEW! I still know the feeling though – that if you commit suicide, you will escape the big bad world, that if you cut it deep, they will finally give you the attention that you are after and you deserve. I DON’T RECOMMEND. Believe me, I’ve gone through the saddest of that situation (I had a shallow cut. Very very shallow. I’m way too scared of death). Instead of receiving care, I received disdainful remarks which gave me more reason to feel less of myself. I don’t wanna have that moment again.
To where I am, I fight it alone.
I never had those movie-like events where the mum or dad or sister or brother bring the mentally ill kid in the psychiatrist or buy medication for her/him. I don’t think I want it or it’s the other way around: I don’t think they want to. Don’t even get me started with the ‘try talking to them.’ It never works. Don’t, again, get me started with the ‘try it again.’
I don’t take medications and I pledged to myself that I never will because I’m gonna fight this until it succumbs to me.
Here’s to the kids who suffer from this insane feeling. We can smash this.