A Boy

My brother and I were never too close. We either like the same subject, talk like normal siblings or just feel like regular people interacting with each other. Though I wish that we were closer, I realised that he is after all, a boy who needs to learn by himself and cope up with the phase he is going through. And no matter how closely related we are, I have to admit that it was my mistake to think that we don’t have to share any boundaries at all.

 Basically, our day goes with morning stares before he goes to school and afternoon smiles as soon as he gets home. Sometimes, we piss off each other but the angriest person always happens to be me. He won’t mind me. Even a single stare, he won’t give. That’s how numb he could get whenever we’re inside a certain rare fight.

 During holidays, us three bond together by watching movies, fooling around or making an unstructured blanket fort.

 It does sound like a great relationship but to me, it felt like it wasn’t. I was too consumed by the fact that I should be the boss for his words and emotions.

I wish he would tell us what he’s up to. I wish he would not wait for us to ask if he needs help for his assignments. I wish he had told us (rumour has it) that he friendzoned a girl named Chloe. I wish he would confide about his 13-year-old male dilemmas.

He never does.

 

What basically happens for the rest of his day feels like a routine: he would look at his school stuff and then hop on to his XBOX and play with his virtual friends from different parts of the world. He made a friend from Fiji whom, thankfully, he tells stories about. Unlike my younger sister, he doesn’t usually start a “you know what..” or “what happened to your…” conversation. At times, he would tell us stories but it never felt enough for me.

 

Only after a decade and a couple of years have I understood that his feelings, as I think of mine as well, is his own and should not be compromised by anyone. I’ve gone far too much in hoarding his emotional and social state. Maybe this isn’t a male-female difference but a person-person choice.

 

He’s probably growing up and I couldn’t be any happier seeing him see things from a perspective.

 After 13 years, I fully understood that having a brother could feel different different but is actually quite a privilege.

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