How easy it is to undermine people?
Imagine this situation: You were trying your best to peer edit someone’s paper for Math. At the end, when your friend is reviewing your comments, you were said to have a problem with Math because your comments are just plain wrong and you’re just wrong.
It sucks to be on that position: to help and receive not a thank you but an undermining judgement (not even friendly).
Take that and reflect.
I’ve always wanted to have a studio-type apartment in an area quite far from us called West End.
That place is a dream for me. The flats, shops, New York-y feel and pretty much everything make me want to move down there.
It is in my lack of fortune though that places like that call for a not-so-student fee. I am broke and stressed with the life that I’m not sure where headed to.
I currently live in a place that’s an hour travel away the city and 45 minutes from university. Here is the spot where crime or rage is usually heard (more likely because of a certain race that’s living here(I strongly disagree with that though because I’ve got a lot of friends from that subclass)). Though it sounds like a bad space, I still feel very at home and comfortable around.
At West End, there are cafes and bakeries too nice and amazing. With all that and a best friend as a roommate, life at West End will definitely be worth it.
FEBRUARY 2
I’ve been watching GIRLS for the longest time. I won’t deny that like almost everyone, I consider everything that these girls do and say and feel relates with me. Recently, the episode was all about Hannah, the main character’s, birthday. There in the birthday episode, there’s one line that I felt very closely acquainted with..
I’ve always had terrible birthdays. It’s kind of my thing.
Yep. I do.
When I turned 17, we were at the beach because some parental, despite my slight antipathy of the beach, chose to go there for the sake of belongingness. On my most awaited 18th birthday, I wished to have a day / night out with my friends and family. It didn’t happen because earlier that week, my mood was set shattered by some event. Now that I’m days away from being 19, something terrible just happened which I assume would last until next week.
Am I cursed? Is it a kind of my thing now?
I hope not. I’d like to think not.
I am really up for blaming someone for all these semi-troubled birthdays. But I just can’t.. Birthday, as my favourite event in my life, was meant to be happy and filled with gratefulness. My day is one of the few times of the year that only I get out of my miserable emotional cave.
But I just can’t..
But it’s okay because at least, I woke up and wow I’ve lived another year.
FEBRUARY 5
Like what I had in mind, the terrible thing is still going on. But hey, my sister and mum bought me a $5 cake from the nearest grocery shop and guess what.. it’s the best cake that I’ve had for a year. A cake made in diamonds is nothing against the cake that these amazing people had bought me in the middle of my distress, in my joyful birthday.
Here’s to more years!
XO
C
After the long internet breakdown, I’m finally back to tell some stories!
I dread the day of my first ever official job interview. The experiences and interviews that I’ve had before were no nerve-wrecking because I was under 18. Being under that range of 18+ feels like the real thing.
The morning of tat day, I woke up very early and turned up the volume of the music on my earphones thinking that it would pump up the day and set my mood right. I jogged and walked for 45 mins. like I usually do. After, I came home, had 10-min. rest and prepared myself.
CRAP, I’M GONNA BE LATE. I thought. I calculated the time and still had that idea in mind.
Despite my 2-hour preparation, I still managed to fail punctuality.
I was 2 minutes late but it was unnoticed because the session hasn’t started yet and everyone’s still being friendly.
I sat down with the other applicants whom I felt so terrified of because of their prepared looks. Ohhh, and I even forgot to brush the last portion of my hair. What else? I wore funnily-matched clothes and my cardigan didn’t fit the colour of my top. Now, I’m just gonna assume that the fashionista guy in that interview was judging me to the bones.
As the group interview went, I vibe everyone as very enthusiastic and knowledgeable. I, on the contrary, was like a silenced radio — to talkative in many instances, quiet in this one. I did show the interest and enthusiasm but the others were just too overpowering. But one thing that I couldn’t deny was that they’re a bunch of friend human beings.
At the end of it, I already set my mind and expectations. I’m not gonna get this job. Naturally, I’m a pessimist but I based this conclusion on what I saw in my performance.
Well, better luck and cool next time.
Is it possible to be too honest, or is honesty always the best policy?
As asked by the January 3 feature of the Daily Post.
Admittedly, I have too many dishonest personal occurrence but to answer this question, I guess it ultimately depends upon the person.
Honesty is the best policy..? What about the lies that needed to be covered up? That needed a white coating because underneath that lie is a good intention?
Too honest? I think anyone who doesn’t tell a lie is a neutral person.
January 2 feature of The Daily Post was about progress, progress that my blog will have when I look back at it on the same month and date in 2015.
Well, let me just tell you first a brief and blurry view that I see.
January 2, 2015.
I’m rejoicing because I don’t have to bother on lots of things. Break from uni, good time with the family. I am still blogging and in 2015, I’d probably assure that I already bought a journal for the year.
I might be reading the book that I planned to finish months ago. I am still writing.
I’d like to see litlass.wordpress.com with a better writing articles, better feature and a very substantial posts. More Sherlock thoughts (which hopefully will happen because episode 3 is close and it’s another long wait for series 4), more thoughts for issues that I feel I’m involved with.
And photographs! ‘Cause yeah, I finally learn how to perfectly operate a manual camera.
To be honest, the things that I’ve listed are pretty shallow.
I hope that’s acceptable.
Sooooo…. Catching up on the The Daily Post. Luckily, I’m a day ahead from where the blog is from so here’s a hooray for giving my laziness a favour.
SO I HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED INTO A MYSTICAL BEING WHO HAS THE ABILITY TO DO MAGIC.
First thing I would do is to correct other people from saying leviosa to le-viosa. Wow. So much for originality.
What if I could go invisible and just go places? I would probably be a criminal for a good cause – the Robin Hood type.
I am in Asia, a felon philanthropist. I take food from shops and give it to the the street kids who look like they have not had a single piece of bite for the past 10 hours. I look for secondhand blanket to offer the homeless. I may not offer the warmth that someone could offer, I could at least give a piece of cover which may appear as their shelter. I would take money from the corruptly rich and distribute it equally for the poor. The deserving one, of course.
What if I can teleport? I can travel from Bali to Santorini whenever I want a me time. I can see the people whom I long see.
This is not a post about wanting power. It’s about magic.
1. A year of less depressing and anxious feelings
2013 has been filled with ups and downs – just like the other years but this one was more intense. It was the year when I felt like giving up the plans that I have made, the wishes I was working hard for and the experiences that I was hoping to go into. At the last bit of my giving up stage, I had a held of something that pushed me away from feeling less of myself, something that pulled me back to being the person who should keep going.
2013 was the year when I was placed in the terrible place of depression and anxiety, a place where dissatisfaction was both my friend and enemy, and what felt like only myself, my bed and my corner is the sanctuary.
To this new beginning, I let go of the stress, worry and insecurity that kept me from seeing the light from far beyond.
2. Let go of fear
“If you wanna be a bender, you have to let go of fear.” as said by the last airbender, Aang. Fear is also something that keeps me away from giving out the best inside me. The fear of being judged, the fear of the unknown.
I don’t wanna be that person again. Someone who backs off because of being terrified by something. It’s time to give things a try and pursue the better.
3. Stop apologising
It is my common ill to say ‘sorry.’ Literally, I’ll stop apologising. Figuratively, I will stop too. I will quit being sorry for my attributes that don’t pass the criteria of the media. But also, I will never forget to know my limit. For the events that I have committed mistakes or caused a disrespectful action, I will definitely take responsibility and say sorry.
4. Actually stick to the schedule
I don’t want my day to feel like a routine or my entire life to be a game plan but I guess, to things that are really important, I have to mark the calendar and set my things straight by doing a schedule. This not-following-the-schedule problem has been going on for a few years now. Change will be on top of the list.
5. Write! Write! Write!
I wish to write and be heard someday. Might as well practice as early as now.
Happy 2014!
My brother and I were never too close. We either like the same subject, talk like normal siblings or just feel like regular people interacting with each other. Though I wish that we were closer, I realised that he is after all, a boy who needs to learn by himself and cope up with the phase he is going through. And no matter how closely related we are, I have to admit that it was my mistake to think that we don’t have to share any boundaries at all.
Basically, our day goes with morning stares before he goes to school and afternoon smiles as soon as he gets home. Sometimes, we piss off each other but the angriest person always happens to be me. He won’t mind me. Even a single stare, he won’t give. That’s how numb he could get whenever we’re inside a certain rare fight.
During holidays, us three bond together by watching movies, fooling around or making an unstructured blanket fort.
It does sound like a great relationship but to me, it felt like it wasn’t. I was too consumed by the fact that I should be the boss for his words and emotions.
I wish he would tell us what he’s up to. I wish he would not wait for us to ask if he needs help for his assignments. I wish he had told us (rumour has it) that he friendzoned a girl named Chloe. I wish he would confide about his 13-year-old male dilemmas.
He never does.
What basically happens for the rest of his day feels like a routine: he would look at his school stuff and then hop on to his XBOX and play with his virtual friends from different parts of the world. He made a friend from Fiji whom, thankfully, he tells stories about. Unlike my younger sister, he doesn’t usually start a “you know what..” or “what happened to your…” conversation. At times, he would tell us stories but it never felt enough for me.
Only after a decade and a couple of years have I understood that his feelings, as I think of mine as well, is his own and should not be compromised by anyone. I’ve gone far too much in hoarding his emotional and social state. Maybe this isn’t a male-female difference but a person-person choice.
He’s probably growing up and I couldn’t be any happier seeing him see things from a perspective.
After 13 years, I fully understood that having a brother could feel different different but is actually quite a privilege.
Though I’m really excited to start the uni life next year, I feel like after everything (preposterously enough), I’ll still be that person who puts shit jargon inside sentences just so it will sound better.
No, I don’t want to write a book. I do, however, want to tell, share and create stories. Well, in essence, a semi-book but different because it’s not 100+ pages and compiled. Okay. I want something like a published blog; maybe a nicely done piece for an advertising agency pitch, or a regular script for a TV show, OR if lucky, a normal job at Al Jazeera.
I have never been to my first day but I had this instinct that my choices will either change immensely or not change at all when I reach the third or fifth month. Either I’ll find it extremely hard and boring or I’ll force myself to work on it because I wanna keep going and it feels like I’m getting somewhere with what I’m doing.
I hope I enjoy the first three or five months.
Little Stories 